(This post is a bit in the style of the Librarian’s Guide to Etiquette. In other words, don’t take it too seriously.)

This seems to be the season for new librarians to start that first “professional” job. So here a few pointers on how to get started off on the wrong foot.

1. Establish yourself as the library know-it-all. More experienced people are sure to dislike you from the beginning when you come in a tell them what they are doing wrong. You can add to the fun by pointing out all their mistakes and then talking about how you could do it better. There is really no need to elaborate on how you’d improve things because at this point it’s better to run in the other direction.

2. Don’t bother learning names. Chances are if you’re on the track of making your co-workers hate you from the start, you don’t need to spend time learning who they are. You likely won’t be around long enough. Seriously though, there is no better way to make people feel that aren’t that important in your world than by calling them by the wrong name or referring to them as she, he, or it. Of course, you can just yell at people with the always useful “you”.

3. Be late for everything. The more you make people wait for you, the less likely they are to want to have anything to do with you. Who knows? You might even get out of things just because you can’t be relied on to be on time.

4. Dress and act like a slob. We librarians are often branded as too uptight anyway, so you could just be shaking things up a bit. After all, if you don’t have a problem with your muffin top, dirty jeans, and the cascading piles of paper on desk, why should anyone else? If you want to make it even better, don’t bathe often and give up toothbrushing. It’s a good way to keep people away from you.

5. Don’t follow through on things. There really is no need to do stuff that your promise to do. Most places will have someone who will grudgingly pick up after you fail to finish whatever it is. Eventually they’ll just stop giving you stuff to do and you can spend more time surfing the web or whatever it is that you really want to do. Chances are you won’t be getting another library job after this one anyway, so you don’t need to worry about having stuff to add to your resume either.

Okay, now to be serious. Some of this sounds pretty preposterous, but I actually have worked with people who have been at least one of the above. Not to say that I’m perfect either. But there are some definite ways to get started off wrong. And if the job market is as tight as everyone says, you’re likely wanting to keep your first job until you are ready to move on. When you move on, it also helps to have positive references and good professional relationships with former co-workers. In many ways, we are a small profession and librarians can gossip. I know it’s hard to believe, but there it is.

So, let’s take the list a different way.

1. Be open to ideas and experiences. More experienced people have a lot to offer those of us who are new to the profession. The thing is that we all have something to offer no matter what our background. It’s fine to be gung-ho about technology or whatever, but sometimes you need to tread carefully when you are the new person. (I speak from personal experience.)

2. Learn everyone’s names as quickly as you can. I’ll admit that this is a hard one for me. I actually have to stand in front of person when I’m introduced and repeat their name a couple of times to make it stick. But I also have found that when I make an effort, they’re understanding if I do forget. When I say everyone, I also mean everyone. Learn the custodial staff, your student workers, the volunteers, the office staff, etc. These people are important too and you never know when you might need something. Having a MLS does not put us on a pedestal.

3. Be on time for your commitments. There are times when something happens and a delay is unavoidable. People will excuse you on occasion. But the chronically tardy are rarely appreciated and while you may think it’s a small thing, depending on the environment, it may not be. (Tardiness is one of my pet peeves.) If you need to adjust your way of thinking to prepare yourself fifteen minutes ahead of when you’d usually get ready, then do it. Being on time is a sign of reliability, like it or not.

4. Don’t be a slob. The whole thing about a messy desk being a sign of genius…I don’t know. Organized piles aren’t a big deal. Despite all the electronic stuff we work with, librarians still manage to generate tons of paper. (If you can, encourage using things like wikis and blogs to cut down on paper.) And how organized and tidy your desk space needs to be will depend on your actual position. Since I conduct research appointments with students, I probably tend to keep a neater desk because I need open space for them to spread out stuff. As to the clothing thing, dress codes vary, but looking neat doesn’t. This doesn’t mean buttoned up cardigan and bun (I look far from that stereotype.) but lounge pants are probably not a good thing either. You can still have your own style, but keep in mind that some things are better for outside of work. As to the other personal hygiene stuff, do I really need to say anything on that?

5. Follow through! If you say you are going to do something, do it. Do it on time. Do it well. I think that’s enough on that one. Hopefully you are professional enough to understand.

So, good luck all you new graduates as you look for your first “professional” job. (Yes, I’m using quotes because many of you have already worked in libraries.) And good luck to those of you just starting out in libraries.